Thursday Side Of The Street
by Xyliette
Summary: Following 2.20, exploring this pairing and what the idea of "following through" does to Addison. Noah/Addison one shot.


**A/N:** I find myself hate, hate, hating this pairing but I get it. I just hope that they get to the point and quickly, whatever it may be. Until then, I pacify myself with this. I hope you enjoy as well-

**_~-~-~-~-~-~  
Thursday Side Of The Street  
- Knapsack  
~-~-~-~-~-~_**

On one hand, she rationalizes, back pressed firmly to the door for the second hour, if you are going to feel guilty then you may as well have a reason. And it was a good kiss, a great kiss in her books (not just because she's been deprived lately and there's been tension thick enough to slice with a scalpel). It was legitimate. Her stomach fluttered, knees tried to buckle, mouth tingled, the whole nine yards. Had she allowed any progression there were no doubts that they'd be tangled upstairs in her bed sheets. But for now, she needs a plan. Something solid and worthy of standing behind. Something with a bit of weight to it, an argument she can throw back if necessary.

She slides further down the wall, bare legs contacting with the cool floor and stretching of their own accord. If her wine was within reaching distance it would have been attached to her hand by now but her mind is too fuzzy to stand and the burning whole in her center makes her want to vomit and then pass out so she comes to realize that liquor really may not be of any use here, though tasty it does sound.

Good, nay Great Kiss + Maybe Something More versus The Sum of Her Life Thus Far. It's going to be a brutal war and there's no way anyone will escape without some sort of injury.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"Nae, I need a minute," Addison interrupts, trying to guide her sunglasses away from her eyes and simultaneously perch her large black bag over her shoulder.

"Yeah," Naomi agrees and excuses herself for a brief moment. "You're late," she greets after following Addison into her lavender office.

"I feel asleep against my door," Addison relents, pausing to squeeze the sore muscles in her neck.

"Why?" Naomi crinkles her nose playfully and takes a chair, swinging her heel as she goes, unaware of last night's turns.

"Not really important in the grand scheme of things," Addison answers and wiggles around when her back protests being aligned to her seat.

"What did you do?" Naomi sighs, bracing for the impact.

"I," Addison emphasizes, "didn't do anything."

"What happened?" Naomi gulps back, feet stopping mid-kick.

"He-Noah was...there...and wet and I answered the door...maybe I should have hidden, pretended I wasn't there but I didn't think that would be very polite and-"

"You had sex," Naomi finishes for her.

"No!" Addison nearly screams, not that she hasn't been envisioning the muscles she felt without their protective clothing.

"So...then, after the thing with the door, what?"

"He-I," she stammers, throwing her hands into the air wildly. "I don't know but there was a kiss, a really, really amazing kiss Nae and I...stopped, I pushed him out the door but...what do I do?"

Naomi regards her friend seriously. She looks lost, eyes puffy and darkened, hair messy from a lack of caring, clothes would be rumpled if they were left in her own care. Hell, she's lucky she matches, though the all black look is giving off a certain sense of mourning that she finds oddly apropos. "Has he called?"

Addison looks at her phone, unaware of why she didn't think of that. "No."

"Have you called him?"

"No," Addison squawks. She wouldn't. Not with, no, just no.

"Maybe he..." she drifts off, looking for the right thing to say. It never ceases to amaze her the things Addison Montgomery can get wound up in, and she's not one to see her friend hurt. "You need to stop Addie. Be the bigger person here."

"I tried."

"Do better," Naomi warns and then resumes her position as a doctor amongst the dwindling hoard in the waiting room.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

Pete will inevitably take her side, needing another person to back his theory of wild ways and not being held responsible for other's actions (which is a valid point for another time). In lieu of the perpetual pat on the back and nudge to the shoulder Addison seeks out Violet, known for her curt and crisp remarks. "I need help," Addison admits. "Well, not help...but I need to run something by you...and hear what you have to say."

Violet watches the redhead wind her fingers through each other nervously, contradicting the pose she has struck against the doorway, and gives in. "I've got a few minutes." She motions toward the couch, noting how Addison slinks forward and slouches into the cushions.

"Don't ask," Addison replies before Violet can question her weird posture.

"So?" Violet asks, hand attached to her rounding stomach. She catches Addison's lingering gaze and drops her position instantly.

"I think I did something wrong, but it didn't feel wrong at the time, well sort of, but now-"

"Guilt?"

"Yes," Addison answers. "I'm not a cheater Violet."

"Are you back with Kevin?"

"No," Addison replies and sinks lower, her cheeks beginning to redden at the remembrance of how that fizzled out. So maybe she cheats the system sometimes but that was different.

"Ok," Violet taps her watch. "Explain."

"No judging," Addison instructs. "I need an answer not...another face."

"Deal," Violet nods.

"I kissed a patient's husband. My patient. My pregnant patient whose marriage is hanging on by a thread and who is desperately trying not to lose her child...and I kissed- well he kissed me but...semantics." Addison swallows heavily, the knot in her throat in full effect.

"He cheated," Violet clarifies.

"Yes," Addison whispers.

"With you. You are the accomplice. Ethically...well, work ethics aside for now." She clears her throat. "What does he say?" she asks suddenly, changing direction.

"I don't know. I haven't talked to him." Addison shakes her head. "I need to know what to do."

"What do you want to do?" Violet smiles.

"I..." Addison pauses. She never gave much thought to that route before. She was too busy considering Morgan and Noah and why in heaven's name the universe hates her enough to pile this on as well. "I don't know."

"Start there," Violet advises.

"I'm not a cheater," Addison interjects again. Maybe someday she'll believe herself.

"No. You aren't," Violet agrees. "You are the other woman."

Addison feels her shoulders slump forward. If you asked her even two months ago, kissing married men (who weren't her own husband), was not on her list of things to do. Dropping into a situation she's too familiar with on the other side was completely unfathomable. "I...can't," she stutters. A part of her is physically revolting having been called that, let alone being thought of as that. She's not a slutty co-worker to screw, she's not the woman down the hall playing out a fantasy with a taken man. "I can't," she resolves, and leaves Violet's office feeling worse for the wear.

On her way down the hall Cooper tells her she looks hung over and she smiles cordially just as her cell phone comes to life declaring that Morgan needs help once again.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

She spends the entire duration of the car ride convincing herself she is not one Meredith Grey, and that this is different but her final conclusion is that it isn't and when she reaches the grounds of the hospital, and doctor mode kicks in, she's so disgusted with herself that she nearly needs a trash can to puke in. But because today is a special day she finds Noah hustling down the sidewalk toward her wobbly frame, face posed to plead. She cuts him short, "I don't even want to talk about it."

"Mor-gan," he chokes out.

"Right," Addison nods and increases her stride, still acutely aware of him behind her, not enjoying the way his stare feels on her scorched back. She ignores him as they tumble into the elevator, looks away when he tries to find her eyes, and makes damn certain that her hands are too busy to be grasped.

"We should talk about it though..." Noah breathes out softly, words trailing through the air like a fine smoke.

"Not now," Addison replies.

"When?" he asks hesitantly.

She has no answer and instead jumps off the elevator a floor early and hikes the last flight in four inch heels, willing her head to stop spinning with his smell and his pathetic sad little voice.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"She's beautiful," Noah exclaims staring at his frail daughter through the clear incubator.

Despite the wires and tubes, which her mind has a knack of discrediting anyway, she can see the facial features he is referring to. Plus, her biological clock driven by a mad woman hasn't gotten the message about it being over, all over, so she gets it. "She is. Congratulations." She pats his back the same as she would any other patient or colleague and escorts herself out of the room, checking the time on the way.

"What...would you name her?" He croaks, voice tender from the last few hours.

Addison turns back with her eyes closed. Not her child, not her life. "I wouldn't. But I'm sure you'll find something perfect Dr. Barnes."

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"Wanna talk about it?" Sam asks, raising his beer bottle and shifting against Addison's deck, the ocean rumbling angrily beyond them.

"No," Addison exhales and then takes a pull from her own bottle. Days like these warrant strong alcohol but she finds herself nursing half a warm bottle of Sam's beer for some reason.

"Things did not turn out right today," he mutters, speaking mostly about Naomi and Duncan making out in the elevator that he happened to be waiting for on his way home.

"No," Addison answers solemnly. "They didn't."

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"Morgan was always partial to overly girly names," Noah spews as soon as Addison opens her door. "I...like something with a little meat behind it. Something strong, something people won't question."

"Good luck with that," Addison wishes and begins to push the white wood shut again, still not knowing why she opened it to begin with.

"The thing is," Noah begins, "I find myself not caring...what Morgan likes. I'm more interested in what...you would do."

"Noah, go home. Or go sleep. Or go...somewhere..." She weakens as he looks at her longingly. It's not such a bad thing to be lonely, or to enjoy the attention for a split second. But she's never been one for finding the glue to things that have cracked. She tends to fall prey to charm and smooth lines that drink in her legs waiting for the inevitable. And she's tired of being the sure thing but it's more exhausting to try and figure out what leads to that than to simply play along.

"I'm where I want to be," he states, moving forward, uninvited into her home. He looks around carefully, noting all of the artwork, the detail, the attention. It's clean, full without being cluttered, raging with expression and yet soft. He wouldn't mind living on the beach.

"We can't," Addison says, trying to regain her footing. She wants to though, she wants to slip and fall and maybe find something wonderful in the process. Not all stories have amazing beginnings. That's not the important part and she hasn't felt this sort of connection in...ages. Too bad the magic was hidden in this pile of a story, she grieves silently.

"We could. We shouldn't," he clarifies when she begins to open her mouth. "I shouldn't. I do feel bad Addison. I'm not callous, I'm not malicious. I did love her once. I just...don't know what this is, and I feel like I need to explore it."

"At my cost," she replies bitterly and he finally steps away, leaving a warm trail between their bodies as she slides into the entryway wall attempting to get away.

"I thought-"

"I'm...we met through her-"

"We were co-workers. I didn't know, honest to God, I did not know Addison- Addie, do people call you Addie?"

"You don't," she tells him as he takes a spot against the other side of the wall, finally moving toward the ground in unison, long limbs brushing together and then apart. She can't stand to spend another night sitting against a damn door thinking until she passes out.

"I feel horrible," he concedes. "I'm not proud of what I've done. I never thought...I never thought in a million years that there would be another woman for me besides Morgan. But I work so much, and the miscarriages, and we don't...talk. I feel like I'm suffocating, I can't talk to her."

"Try," Addison whimpers, feeling her resolve crumble and dissolve.

"I have," he nods. "This is not...the beginning of something Addison. It's the end. Finishing. I'm leaving her."

Addison gulps back the tears. Jesus. This is not her life. She's a mistress, full-fledged, waiting with bated breath mistress. "She almost died today...she coded twice Noah. You can't say these things."

His reply gets lost amongst the clattering of frantic teeth and frenzied tongues, mouths doing as they please. Addison's toes curl under in a manner that suggests more and more that this be pursued and as she finds his hand gently working up her side, the cares and the morals fall secondary to the moment.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"What happened this time?" Naomi asks, sipping her coffee.

"I...don't...nothing," Addison answers and pulls a cupboard open searching for the peanut butter.

"Addison," Naomi sighs knowingly. "You didn't."

"It's not my fault he keeps showing up Nae!" Addison shrieks frustrated by her lack of sleep once again. The way this is going she may as well become nocturnal and make her desk into a bed.

"Addison, you cannot do this."

"We didn't do anything. Well, we kissed again but...then we talked. Talking, no touching. It was nice, to talk."

Naomi drops her cup on the counter and turns. "He isn't yours to be talking to."

"He's a friend-"

"Who you made out with," Naomi reminds her, watching as she piles the creamy mixture on her apple. Comfort food. This is taking an ugly turn.

"I have patients," Addison says suddenly, dropping the jar and walking away. She's not open for criticism today.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

Addison watches the tiny chest in front of her rise and fall mechanically. Nameless Baby Girl Barnes is a fighter, even with all the cords coming from her body and the light kept from her eyes, Addison can tell. She has developed a sense for these things over the years. She'll get a name and be playing Tea Party before anyone can think to remember this time. She'll have a cat and maybe a hamster, a room decorated elaborately in many colors, and she will be loved. She'll laugh and squeal with Noah and have serious talks with her mother.

Addison can see this clearly, and the oddest part of it all is that she'd like for it to happen. She wants this child to have that family. The one with another sibling and a pet, a fence, and fun games to play. Mae, she decides, is what she'll call her. Just in her head, not for anyone else, a habit that she used to have back in New York. It doesn't help her stay unattached but she thinks every patient has the right to a name, even if it changes.

Mae takes another steady breath, and Addison settles into the rocking chair, content to watch because no one else is here, no one is watching her struggle.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"Hey," Naomi greets shaking a bottle of wine and waltzing into Addison's home as her friend straightens out her dress. The last two times Noah showed up she was in sleeping attire and vulnerable. Not this time.

"Hi," Addison squeaks her disappointment and walks away, leaving Naomi to follow.

"Missed you all day," Naomi begins, searching the deck for a comfy chair and leaving Addison to tend to the wine.

"I was at the hospital," Addison calls back.

"I heard." Naomi takes the glass she is offered and takes a long sip before beginning. She gave the afternoon thought, filled in for Addison, and between patients tried to figure out what the hell it was that needed to be said. "How is Morgan?"

"She's recovering nicely," Addison answers monotone. "We had some scares but she's pulling through."

"Look, I know this is hard...and maybe you think it's not wrong but it is Addison, it is wrong to be kissing a married man. To spend the night talking to him, even if nothing else happens. You're involved and it's not okay."

"I'm not responsible for their marriage," Addison parrots instantly, unsure of what else to say.

"No, you are responsible for you. And I liked Morgan the five minutes that I spent with her but I like you more. Don't you see what you are doing to yourself?"

"I'm fine," Addison refutes. She doesn't need anyone to take care of her, regardless of how their friendship works.

"You aren't sleeping, I can tell that much. You spent all day at the hospital with one patient who is fine, and you are torn up about kissing a guy who you know you shouldn't be kissing. You are not fine Addison. And this has nothing to do with them, though God only knows how you can be okay with this after being the wife waiting at home, it's about you. Step away from the situation, have some respect for yourself at least."

"Nae," Addison swallows roughly, the tears that have been trying to come out, pulling at her eyes.

"This isn't healthy for you. At the end of the day, that's who I'm concerned with and I don't like watching my best friend hurt herself. If you won't be the person to say no, then I can tell you it's wrong. And you can yell, that's your right, but I find it hard to be here for you when you are playing ignorant. Derek left you for another woman Addison, how can you do this to someone, how can you put yourself in this place?"

"I get it!" Addison yells back, feet slamming into the ground. "I know, I know! I'm the whore this time, or I was the first time too and Derek didn't leave me for another woman, he left because...because we...I don't know."

"Maybe that's the problem," Naomi says wistfully, finishing her drink and letting the glass rest against the deck.

"That's not...there is no problem."

"Are you going to see him again?"

"It's more than likely considering," Addison snaps back, pouring them both more.

Instead Naomi stands. "I don't even know who you are anymore."

And in the same manner, neither does Addison. She's busy in a tailspin. "I feel...something with him Nae, I can't explain it. It's bad timing, I know that. And it makes me a horrible person but what about me? He makes me happy, he...there's something." Her hands coming to life, tears finally pouring down, "When is it my turn Nae? When do I get something good?"

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

The entire practice watches for days as their two alpha females roam the place steadily, never speaking directly to another unless a patient requires it. Addison is gone unforgivably through out the day, women cast off to Dell who doesn't mind the distraction. For the most part they haven't minded, the other four, because they are busy and the quiet helps them be productive but the raised voices locked in Addison's office are slightly disconcerting.

"Are they fighting again?" Cooper asks Sam who merely shrugs. Not his women anymore. They don't talk to him.

"Remember when we were all friends?" Violet says wistfully and Pete nods sorrowfully. Times were good back then.

"Maybe they are dating the same guy," Cooper volunteers with a smirk.

"No," Sam shakes his head. "This is bigger than that." He points out how Addison is slumped into the chair by her table, hands mindlessly running around the rim of a vase, while Naomi paces frantically.

"We should leave them to it," Pete jumps in, as they all watch the situation go from bad to worse, Addison trying to leave her own space to get away.

"You know something," Violet accuses instantly and they all spin around to stare at him.

"Maybe I do, maybe it's not anyone's issue but theirs," Pete nods and then walks away. This isn't his story to be telling and he won't jeopardize the new spot he and Addison have reached as friends just to clue a few people in.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

"It was dinner," Addison sighs, resigning herself to the couch, knowing Naomi isn't going anywhere.

"First it's dinner and drinks, then it's little vacations, and then you'll be on my couch sobbing your eyes out because he really isn't leaving his wife," Naomi replies bitterly, feet still stamping away.

"He said he loves me," Addison refutes and crazily enough she feels she could love him soon too.

"And that makes this better? You've known him for how long- you aren't even dating Addison. You almost had a heart attack when Kevin said it, what makes this okay?"

"I don't know," Addison moans into her sleeve, head in hands already. "I want to be able to talk to you about this without getting my head bitten off every single time Nae. I came to you."

"You made a mistake, you want me to help like always. Well this is me helping-" She turns toward the door. "I'm done. I love you Addie, but this is a new low. I can't back you when I know in my heart that you don't believe in doing something like this. Where have you gone?"

Addison shakes her head, wondering the same thing. "I need...something, this is-"

"Bad," Naomi fills in for her. "Horrible, inappropriate, unethical, morally despicable."

"Tell me how you really feel," Addison spouts off without thought.

"You don't want that," Naomi replies. "Because unless you want to hear about how selfish you are being, about how ridiculous it is that I am having to talk you out of dating a married man whose wife is still in the hospital with you listed as her doctor, about how I have lost all respect for the one person wh-"

"Thanks," Addison cuts her off and waves toward the door, her words falling short, "That was...just what I needed."

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

For as much as everyone makes her think she is wrong, being with Noah feels right. There's no other way to speak of it, she feels whole again. Like the missing piece of her life is slowly starting to sort itself out. It's warm instead of cold now, calm with him instead of agitated. She sips her water and then looks back over at his plate.

"So..."

"Right," Noah smiles and then signals the waiter. "Well, I don't have any grand lies to tell you about why I invited you to another meal but you could tell me how my daughter is doing."

Addison smiles at the thought of the four pound infant a few miles away. "She's doing as well as can be expected, making progress every day. You should be proud, she's strong."

Noah grins, unable and unwilling to explain to her the bond her feels with the child. Being a father, it's new and frightening but he loves it just the same. He didn't think before, when she was just a grainy blob, that these feelings would ever occur, he was terrified he wouldn't feel a thing because of his problems with Morgan.

"Settle on a name?" Addison asks, breaking the silence.

"No, we've tried all the books. I don't know. It'll come."

"Yeah."

"You were in New York before?" Noah asks, and watches Addison's eyebrows rise cutely. He finds himself adoring every face she makes, so animated when he's used to lifelessness. "When I was researching, I found-"

"Oh," Addison breathes out easily. "I was, for a long time and then Seattle for a while and now I am here."

"What led you here?"

"I'd rather not," Addison addresses with a shake of her head, red tresses tumbling out from behind her ear. His hand beats her to push them away and she finds his finger burning a trail across her cheek.

"Ok," Noah agrees, some things are too hard, he knows all too well. "Why a private practice though? You don't strike me as that type."

"I needed a change."

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

At first it's difficult to not think about Morgan, who is still stuck in the hospital now with a brutal infection. But day by day, forgetting about her gets easier. It takes little effort to envision herself dating a normal man, a good man, which he is. She rubs Mae's stomach once more and watches the little stretches she gets in reciprocation.

"I probably shouldn't be talking to you," Addison begins softly, "but I'm your doctor, one of your doctors so I think it can't hurt." She watches the newborn stir with interest and then pushes back against her seat. "You've got some good parents Mae, not everyone is as lucky, so it would be nice if you worked just a touch harder to get better." Addison gives in to her urges and with great care lifts the baby out of her place in the warm and cuddles her to her chest, grabbing a spare blanket in the process. She inhales deeply, ignoring the sterile scent of the hospital. "I heard you had your first bottle yesterday, which means you're going to be headed home soon." Addison glances up, hands firmly hugged around the soft white fabric in her arms. "Noah."

"You...look good with a baby," he stammers, taken aback by the sudden onslaught of his emotions. "She always cries when I hold her, but she likes you."

"Part of the job," Addison brushes him off, but finds herself unable to let go of the drowsy baby.

"You call her Mae?" he asks, stepping into the dimly lit room.

"Habit," she replies nonchalantly and offers Mae up to him. He declines.

"I like it," he says suddenly. "It's fitting."

"Run it by your wife, maybe I should have started a betting pool," Addison jokes.

His head falls in shame automatically these days. He finds it hard to care for Morgan after being around Addison. He hasn't pinpointed it yet, not lust, definitely love, but so quickly makes him slightly weary. "She thinks Chloe is our winner. I'm tired of arguing. Maybe Chloe Mae."

"Sounds like a fine name," Addison states, placing Chloe down and heading for the door. When he doesn't move out of her way she finds it necessary to remind him that this is their place of employment and whatever they have going on will not seep into their careers. He nods, but then pushes against her hips and places a quick kiss on her lips, their first since the second night he showed up at her door.

"Can I see you tonight?"

"You should stay with your wife," Addison tells him, using the word, hoping it has a better effect.

"I can't...be with her when all I think about is you. It's not fair to anyone."

She'd suggest that he tell her, even the smallest tidbit of what is happening but she knows that Morgan doesn't need the added stress, especially when making it up two flights to see her daughter everyday is nearly impossible. "I'm busy tonight Noah."

"With?"

"None of your business," Addison responds coldly. "If you'll excuse me," she points into the hallway, needing to get the hell out of there before she slams the door shut and does unmentionable things in front of a nearly ten day year old child.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

She takes her night of busy and sets up shop on her couch, pouring over medical journals she's behind on, reveling in her peers choices of topics and even brushing over the latest national headlines. She has hot chocolate instead of wine and a grilled cheese sandwich (burnt on one side) instead of takeout. She takes no calls, places no calls, and keeps the light jazz floating through the air at a barely-there sound level.

And surprisingly, it's not bad. Sure, she'd much rather be curled around someone and reading but stuffing her toes into the couch cushions is enough contact for now. She tries not to think of the current mess she is swimming in while she reads and sets it aside for another time. Compartmentalizing helps when you are in way over your head. But by 10, when the fatigue begins to set in, it is no longer avoidable.

Two dinners, three kisses, and endless ill-times conversations. The guilt is all her new all consuming best friend, there instantly when she awakens, tapping her shoulder as she tries to sleep. It's only ever displaced when he is around. When he is there they are fine, they are good, and it's awkward and new as it would be but she also finds it exciting and at the end of the day what keeps her going is knowing that she is unsure she'd be able to stop what they currently have, unsure she wants to even try.

The knock on her door makes her jump, but she runs a few finger through her hair and straightens out her shorts just in time to see Noah on the other side. When she opens the path to her house he bursts through and helps himself further in than he's even been before.

"Noah?" she questions trailing after him.

"I look at you...with Mae and I feel, it's right. But then Morgan with Chloe...and I just can't." He looks up at her finally. "We could...go back to New York, I've been a few times, I loved the city. We could leave Addison."

"Are you drunk?" Addison asks, taking in the subtle way he leans from side to side.

"Not nearly enough," he responds and takes up residence pacing through her living room. "We could take Mae, you'd be good with her, I know it...and we could leave. We'd be so happy Addison, we'd be so happy."

She doesn't doubt it. She's wanted the man, the baby, that life for so long that she'd work her ass of at making a go of it. There'd be no failure there but this rubs her the wrong way. She takes his hand gently, trying to keep his attention. "Noah, no. My answer is no. Chloe," she emphasizes, "is Morgan's daughter, your daughter. Not mine. And while I would love to have a family some day, this isn't the way I would go about doing it." She wouldn't do that to a child, even she has her limits.

"But-" he retorts instantly, "It's what I want. I want...to feel the way I feel around you...for the rest of my life. I want to live again!"

Addison smiles grimly and affirms her position, "Me too." And for the most part, this has been of assistance in that. Sure, she feels like crap a lot of the time but she never has once doubted that she's now not a robot, seeing patient after patient and then drowning her nights in bars with men who seem completely uninterested.

He presses forward assuredly, mouth contacting with her in a much slower manner than they are used to. He takes his time, parting her lips, playing with her hair, before his hands find the smooth skin under her tank top. It's just as electric as he thought it would be, feeling her hands tug on the button of his jeans. She's different, she's so different. He walks them forward toward the stairs, assuming her room is there, not wanting this to be some hurried thing that happens on her coffee table, no matter how amazing the idea sounds.

"Noah," Addison breathes, red flags finally descending down upon her as he plays with the drawstring of her shorts.

"Addie," he says calmly, stopping their movement, holding her close. "We both want this, have wanted this...I-" he fumbles trying to move away his hands as the moment dies down, but he finds her turning away and leading him on, looking back over her shoulder just before her shirt hits the ground.

He doesn't need any other invitation.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

She's more giving than he's used to, she's in no big rush to get to the main event. They trace lazy patterns over each other's skin, fingertips lighting up their desire. Clothing slowly falls off, he can't recall how, but when he finally gets the okay to slide into her the world somehow stops. The blood pounding in his ears is deafening and nothing has ever felt this complete with any woman. He thrusts slowly, not wanting to surprise her with his eagerness and relishes in the way she manages to tangle her legs around him, changing their angle and nearly causing an embarrassing finish to what has just begun.

He enjoys how close she's willing to get, eyes closed, cheeks substantially flushed. He loves the way her arms feel around him, running over his shoulders, how her mouth reaches out without warning for contact. It's a dance they've perfected with other partners but the tempo has never been correct until now.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

She's lost track of what time it is, from the ridiculous yelling downstairs to the adulteress tango taking place now. She reasons that they've already cheated, they may as well follow through. And if he didn't feel so good, if the whole thing didn't feel so wonderful she would stop but he's got the most impeccable rhythm right now, she can feel everything beginning to build up to what will surely be a glorious ending. Her stomach tightens, her red toenails curl under themselves, her legs clench involuntarily.

And just before her world goes bright, she has the flash, an attack of conscience. She moans accidentally, unable to stop herself, and her body begins to work against her mind. "Stop," she whispers, tears beginning to leak out of her eyes and down her cheeks. "Noah...stop." She pushes back against his shoulders, needing fresh air now, but two more thrusts and she can't halt what's happening. She screams out, every part of her stiffening as the magic begins to course, and feels him begin to fill her. In the distance she's remotely aware of her name leaving his lips over and over.

When he falls slack against her sweaty chest, after her thighs stop quivering, she finds the strength. "Get out," she orders.

"Addison," he replies, curious and afraid. "I...wow."

"I know," she nods impatiently and shoves him once again. "Leave." She reaches for the sheet as he stumbles to the floor, and pulls it up over her body.

"What are...what is happening? I thought-"

"I can't do this," Addison whispers, reaching for the lamp, wanting more light in the room.

"But we just...and it was...I-"

"You need to leave now. Go home."

"I wasn't saying those things to get you into bed. I want to be a family someday," he argues, thoughts finally coming back into his head.

"That's the problem Noah. It's not about the sex, now go." She points to the door, feeling the overwhelming need to continue crying.

"What's it about then?" he demands, reaching for his jeans on the ground and hopping into them, not certain of where his boxers may have gotten off to.

Her hands clench around the soft fabric and she breathes out. "I cheated on my husband," she mumbles lowly, blaming the amazing sex for her sudden outburst. "We were married for ten years and I...and then Seattle and he cheated on me. I know what happens, I know...what Morgan feels like right now and as much as I try to separate that from the feelings I have for you I can't. I feel dirty, and cheap, and used and I want you to leave now."

As she finishes he finds the oddest soaring urge to just hold her patiently, to rub her back and tell her it's all right but it's becoming rapidly clear that that won't be allowed this evening. "Okay," is all he can find to say and he bumbles his way down the stairs in an effort to grant her wish.

When her front door slams shut Addison realizes that she isn't Meredith in all of this, she's Mark and somehow that's so much worse.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

When cognizant enough, she hops into a pair of yoga pants, finds an old blue t-shirt and snatches her keys off the counter in a dash for the car. Twenty minutes later she's lightly knocking on a door that she's afraid will actually open. Refraining from using the doorbell she looks down at her shoes and breathes slowly.

"Addison?" Naomi asks with a yawn, the porch light suddenly blinding them both.

"Nae," her voice cracks sheepishly, and she hides her eyes immediately as her emotions get the better of her once again.

Naomi places one hand around her friend's back and guides her in, prepared for a long night when a smaller voice perks to life overhead on the stairs. "Aunt Addie?" Maya asks sleepily, her feet firmly planted.

"Maya, sweetie, go back to bed. Aunt Addie will see you in the morning, we'll all have breakfast together."

"Okay," Maya agrees easily, leaving the distraught redhead to another person. "Night Aunt Addie."

"Night Maya," Addison says softly, turned away.

Naomi finds the couch and plucks the throw blanket off of it, letting Addison drown her head, tears running freely.

"I did...bad," Addison sobs.

"I know, it's all right, it'll be all right," Naomi coaxes, running a couple of fingers through the hair on her lap, massaging her friend's scalp. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what she says and does, the friendship transcends normal boundaries and there's nowhere else either person would rather be.

"I should've said no," Addison whimpers pathetically. "I feel...horrible."

"We'll fix it," Naomi assures her. She's not proud of what she did but this is bigger than that.

"Why am I such a screw up Nae?" Addison asks, flipping her head upward toward her friend. She feels Naomi rub a few tears off her cheeks just like she would for Maya.

"You have issues, everyone has issues Addie."

"I have issues," she admits for the first time. "I'm a cheater."

Naomi's grin turns into a frown instantaneously because there is no refuting the statement. "You will find someone, the right someone."

Addison doesn't reply, simply turns back over taking a shaky breath and settles for a night of tears. Her plan was a lack of planning and it didn't turn out well. Neither side won.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

The passing days are harder than she thought they would be, and thoughts of calling Noah, or picking up when he calls, constantly plague her. She sees him professionally, and dutifully checks on Mae day in and day out. She leaves when he approaches and sighs when they get caught places together. He sends flowers once, she throws them in the garbage. He shows up at her door, and she sneaks out the back and goes to Sam's for a nightcap. It's difficult, but it's nothing compared to the disgusting feeling she had after they finally gave into all the urges.

Today she's seeing Mae off, a healthy five pounds and six ounces, taking bottles like a champion, breathing on her own. She cuddles the baby closer, more attached than she should be given the situation and then says her silent goodbye. She checks the chart once more and waltzes out of the room trying not to look back. He's there with amazing frequency, everywhere she needs him not to be.

"Dr. Barnes," she smiles warmly, noting how no one looks on with interest here like they would Seattle.

"Dr. Montgomery, do you have a moment? I need a consult on a case that I thought you may be interested in." He grabs a chart off the counter and ushers her into a small conference room, blinds not drawn, door cracked. "Addison...I need to say I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear it, I know you got hurt, and I never wanted that. I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I hurt everyone. So I'm sorry."

"Did you tell Morgan?" she asks with limited interest.

"I think it's better than I live this down on my own. I don't want to upset her, especially when I don't know if I want to stay in the relationship. I need to clear my head...I need time, you understand?"

"Yes," she agrees.

"Can I- I still think about you, about that night. I can't get away from it. I wasn't crazy, it was...-"

"Yes," Addison nods. It was fantastic, earth shattering goodness. God help them both.

"Right."

"I-I need to go." She points toward the door. "Chloe is ready though, whenever you both are. I signed off on her a few minutes ago."

"Thank you," he pauses briefly, waiting until she gets to the door. "Addison I- I'm still in love with you. I know that doesn't make it any easier but...you said after...I don't want you to feel cheap. It wasn't. For me, anyway."

"Goodbye Noah," she says and drifts from the room, heart heavy, chest aching with every clack of her heel.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**

Three weeks later she sees them both, and Chloe, here for her first check-up with Cooper. She smiles at their hand holding and even spends a few minutes with the baby, partaking in the wonderment of everyone else. They look happy, even when his eyes give off a glimmer of something else, and that's enough. It's enough for her to know that she did the better thing.

She's broken and fragile, tender but resilient. She's finally reduced to working on herself, and with each passing night of loneliness, she knows it will get better. There are brighter days on her horizon, there have to be, because she's seen enough storms to last a lifetime.

**_~-~-~-~-~-~_**


End file.
